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GRAVE MATTERS by Mark Harris

Precis:People look at having funeral services as the normal thing to do once someone passes away. It's the dominant social practice in our culture , but there are other ways of burying and saying goodbye to the dead. That turn out be more cost effective and a more personal way of letting out. There are many alternatives to funerals that people are now embracing and finding more meaningful.

Quotes:
"In fact, today's typical funeral is but a modern construct,and one that bears little resemblance to the way earlier generations cared for, paid tribute to , and buried the dead."

"Stripped of any meaningful engagement with the corpse, the family was left to assume the passive role of observer and mourner, invited to view its loved one in someone else's "home" at prescribed hours and at a fixed cost." (pg46)

"Today, the cost of a standard funeral may easily run to $10,000, to the shock of families new to the business of funeral-making in the modern age." (pg 47)

" Brian Benson's decision to cremate his mother puts him at odds with an unbroken tradition of burial on both sides of his family. But it's one that other families-and entire cultures-have been making as far back as the Stone Age. " (54)

"But for Ken, that brief sea burial proved cathartic. I was overcome with this huge profound feeling of release.I still felt a loss for my father,but scattering his ashes took away that crushing grief. It was almost like, it's ok now." (72)

The book gives insight to the funeral industry and the processes performed when handling the deceased. Opening people's eyes to more natural and personal alternatives to the traditional and very expensive funeral. Instead stories of people's experiences with cremations,sea burials,etc are shared, making the reader realize that they can be involved in the burial process of their loved ones instead of handing them off into the hands of strangers.Instead of leaving the entire process in the hands of undertakers and embalmers decisions can be made about the disposal of the body that will still ensure the dead are handled with respect and it is still a personal moment. While breaking away from the "tradition" of funerals.

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Rossi,

Thought that getting to hear your peer's views on death from three different perspectives really helped you develop your own thoughts on the subject more.I like how you were able to take what your interviewees said and applied it to your own life and how you see death. The quote "It saddens me that one death can change so much" the interviews were touching and showed how each person was affected by death in their lives and how it has influenced their views on it and changed so much for them. You told each person's story in a way that I could connect to. Good job!

Jay,

Interviewing your mom showed how her experiences growing up around funerals and coming from a different culture and how her religious background influenced her ideas on death and the care of the dead. "What I thought was odd though, was that my mother wants to be cremated, which contradicts her being a self-proclaimed 'traditionalist'." good job analyzing what your mom said and trying to make sense of how she wants to buried.Thought it was interesting to hear what she had to say since you said it seemed she had thought a lot about it.



Max,

Your interviews showed how death can impact people's lives by losing someone close to them. You also touched on how after someone dies they are still remembered by those closest to them. That even though they are gone, they still live on in the memories of others.

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Max cb said...

Larche,

Your interviewees ideas on cremation vs. burials interested me alot. I liked how that person believed that cremation was "wrong". Since that is an opinion i am not going to argue against their beliefs but it did make me think about my own ideas on the issue. Very good post overall.

Jay M. said...

Your post was great. Really detailed and extensive. One line that struck me was; "we have a set of rules for everything in life, so you don't have to give much thought into making your own decision or trying to figure out what’s right for you." I was bewildered by this, and couldn't understand why your interviewee would want common routine to rule how they cared for loved ones. However you interviewed your interviewees was great and brought out a bunch of great stuff. Solid post.

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My first interviewee’s ideas on death and the care of the dead have been strongly influenced by her religious beliefs. According to her beliefs she feels very strongly about burials vs. cremation. She was not in favor of cremations as a way to let go of the dead “I personally think that cremation is wrong. If there is nothing left of the body you can't say your prayers to it or you won't really have any proof of that being ever living...those burnt up ashes can be ashes of anything or anyone, but with a buried body you actually have proof that someone indeed passed on”. She also felt as if the religion made dealing with death and the care of the dead easier for her to deal with “we have a set of rules for everything in life, so you don't have to give much thought into making your own decision or trying to figure out what’s right for you. I mean we are already lost amongst ourselves while caring for the dead, the last thing anyone would need is trying to figure out how to dispose the body.” When I asked about the public viewing of the dead at funerals she felt as if was something she wouldn’t prefer “I personally would not be comfortable seeing a dead body. I think that there should be a sense of privacy between the body and the outside world. I don't know how to explain it but it just seems wrong for some reason”.

My second interviewee felt uncomfortable with the topic of death and the care of the dead and didn't care that much to talk about it.Maybe because he had attended a couple. He felt as if funerals were "horrible to attend" but felt that they "make you cherish your life more and think about the person that passed away". He noted that the dead look "different" at funerals, but didn't elaborate on that. He had also only been to open casket funerals which were "scary" and didn't feel comfortable with the showing of a dead corpse.

My third interviewee didn't have much experience with funerals ,but felt as if "they are part of the process of letting our loved ones go". she stated that she would want to have a funeral for her death and she would rather be buried than cremated so that her family could visit her grave site. She also felt that having an open casket at a funeral is a way for people to say goodbye to the person one last time and as if were part of the grieving process and realizing the reality of the situation by actually getting to see it. She also felt as if funerals were depressing and wouldn't want hers to be a sad affair.

Doing these interviews made me realize the difference of opinion on the way people think others should be buried and what influences their thinking.Religion seems to play a huge role in the way people decide how they or their loved ones should be buried. Religion often makes it easier for people to deal with the care of the dead because all they have to do is follow the dominant burial practices as their religion. Also the decision to have an open or closed casket at a funeral had some mixed feeling on whether or not it was necessary or right.

The topic of care of the dead can be a confusing one for some because they either don't have much experience on it or they just haven't talked about. So their funeral experiences can be over whelming and uncomfortable for them because they don't clearly understand the practices and rituals they are witnessing.

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From personal experience, the dead are treated with respect. Everything at funerals is handled with great care and respect for the dead and their mourning relatives. Everyone attends the funeral to pay their respects.It seems we tread the dead with more consideration than we do the living.The church seems to play quite a significant role when it comes to dealing with the dead. There are often prayers said and rituals performed that differ depending on the religion.

I think it's interesting that the dead (our loved ones) are handled by strangers when they die. Why don't more people handle the funeral arrangements of their loved ones and such instead of leaving it in the hands of others? I'm interested in looking at the care of the dead from a cultural perspective.How do different religions view the dead and handle funerals? who takes care of the dead? What happens to the body after death?

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In response to the comments I received on my research project, I agree with Jay's point that infertility and the stigma of infertility is an aspect of birth that we never talked about , but think is worth looking at. I found my research informative as well as my readers on how people who aren't necessarily seen as "normal" can be treated differently. Just as David, I also found the personal experience of Mamta Jhunjhun Wala helpful in understanding how infertility can affect a women's self image as a woman and role in society. I also think Leah was right in saying that this topic has left me thinking about what I would do if I were infertile and am more wise on how other women with infertility feel and get a better sense of what their going through. On a final note, I agree with Amber that this is a topic that definitely can be further discussed. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my post and left a comment.

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I chose to explore the stigma that surrounds women who are diagnosed with infertility and how they are seen and treated in their social circles. Women who are able to conceive children see it as a “blessing”, but what is the part pregnancy process like for women who are unable to naturally conceive?

In a Newsweek article I found a women-Mamta Jhunjhun Wala, 42, of Mumbai who recalls herself facing the stigma of being unable to have children for the first 13 years of her marriage. “People ask a woman's name—and then, "How many children do you have?" When the woman answers "none," she says, "they don't know what they can talk to you about." (Karen 3) She faced the rejection from other women in her social circle that found it difficult to relate to her because she
didn’t have any children. It seems that her identity was based on the children she had. Having no children meant she didn’t have much of an identity to the other women without children.

Infertility can lead to some women feeling and being ostracized by other women for something that isn’t in their control . "People see them as having a "bad eye" that will make you infertile, too. Infertile women are considered inauspicious," says Inhorn. Other people simply "don't want to have them around at joyous occasions," says Frank van Balen, coauthor (with Inhorn) of "Infertility Around the Globe" and a professor in the department of social and behavioral sciences at the University of Amsterdam." (Karen 3) These infertile women are excluded from these occasions because others believe that they are like “bad luck”. That having them around
them is somehow going to negatively affect them. This makes those who suffer from infertility question why they deserved this. Why do they deserve to be treated differently from other women because of their inability to reproduce. This leads them to having feelings of “there’s something wrong with me.”

Having children and reproducing is something people see as a part of the normal process of life “Parenthood is encouraged and celebrated and the inability to fulfill these societal expectations can be devastating.” (The Stigma of Infertility). There is a type of pressure that people face to reproduce like from family and friends and it’s seen as the normal next step couples take in their
relationships but being unable to leads the couple facing infertility to doubt their place/role in society. They feel as if they don’t measure up to other women and couples and disappoints their expectations of wanting children and getting societal approval.

Women and couples suffering from infertility face a number of issues ahead including the stigma they face from society. Their inability to conceive children naturally is something that is out of their control. So they shouldn’t be ostracized and treated differently by others because of it. It is not a disease just something that is unfortunate that happens to 1 in every 10 couples.

Bibliography

Karen, Springen. "What it means to be a woman." Newsweek 15 September 2008: 3. Web. 6 Apr 2011. .

Journey, fertility. "The stigma of infertility." Fertility journey n. pag. Web. 6 Apr 2011.